"Bobisha the Builder"

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Who really am I? What do I like? What do I want? What are my wishes? I believe we must have periodic check-ins with ourselves to ask these questions I've posed above. I had gone too long without checking in with myself. A chapter is closing in my life and I am entering a new one. I want to be ready for this new chapter. I want to be ready for this next step in the project that is living securely within my mind, body and soul. Living with/as me.

The other day I was listening to a podcast called Okay, Now Listen hosted by Sylvia Obell and Scottie Beam. This is actually one of my new favorite podcasts! Sylvia is an Aquarius like me and Scottie is a Libra. I have a very soft spot in my heart for Libras. Anyway, in their first episode, “Okay, Our Mics Are On,” they were just catching up and discussing quarantine life which included watching Insecure. They discussed the episode where Issa had a very vulnerable conversation with her brother. Issa expressed to him that she felt like she built Lawrence up for the next woman (Condola, condominium, Condolezza Rice, whoever 😒) to reap the benefits of her hard work. This sparked a brief conversation between Scottie and Sylvia where they talked about their experiences “building” up men and taking people on as projects.

Scottie called it being “Bobisha the Builder.”

I hollered!

Not only did that sentiment resonate on the relationship tip, but coincidentally I was redecorating my room and building a desk. So I definitely was feeling like Bobisha the Builder! In this part of the conversation, they expressed how they’ve learned that “building” a man is not worth it and usually yields better results for the next chick. Also, many times in relationships, people were not willing to “build” them up and be forgiving of their mistakes. They usually got dropped leaving them stuck to heal and build themselves on their own and figure out where shit went left. In this segment of the conversation, I think the overarching realization was not just men, but people in general, are not objects or projects to take on. You can’t own people. You can only experience people.

Did that resonate with anyone else? Let me repeat it again: People are not objects or projects to take on. You can’t own people. You can only experience people.

Okay, so what? I bet you are asking this question. I definitely was in therapy a couple of months ago. My therapist told me that a lot of my issues seemed to stem from what other people needed to work on. I was grappling with other people’s issues rather than my own. Essentially, I was taking on other people’s problems. I mean it’s hard not to. Daily, we interact with others on a variety of levels and I am at home dealing with three other personalities, so what am I to do?

Okay, now listen…let’s break this down...

People are not objects or projects to take on. True, but you are not people. You are a person. You are a mind, soul, and body that works together to allow you to physically exist within the world and be known in the metaphysical realm(s). You are your own person. You are not people. You are not an object either; however, the task of figuring out who you are, accepting who you are, and being open to the possibilities of who you will be is the greatest, and dare I say, most important, project you will take on. It is a lifelong project. Take you head on!

You can’t own people. True, but you own yourself. You are in charge of your mind, soul, and body. You are in charge of your life. The way to navigate other people is to cleave to yourself. Trust the light nestled within you that a higher power has gifted you and move with a firm grounding in your being so you are not swayed by the messiness of others. So you are not tempted to become rooted in other peoples' lives because you’ve failed to grow seeds in your own life.

You can only experience people. True, but you also have the opportunity to experience yourself. Sadly, few seize the opportunity to do so. I’m talking about fully exploring the depths of who you are and reveling in it. The good, the bad, the ugly, the scary, the pretty, the disgusting, the possibilities, the nightmares, the dreams. YOU. You are the greatest and longest experience you will ever, well experience. Enjoy you. Appreciate you. Savor you. I think when we recognize that we can experience ourselves we can have healthier relationships with people. Instead of enmeshing yourself within the life and experience of another person, you can merge, you can join, you can associate, and/or align yourself with other people and recognize that they are not home. You are your own home.

~

One of my goals has been to come home to myself. I had expressed to my therapist that for a while now I’ve felt estranged from myself. I didn’t feel connected to my actions, words, and outlets through which I expressed myself. Be it clothes or social media, they weren’t resonating with me anymore. I wanted to feel at home with myself. During one session, she pointed out to me that a lot of the words I used to describe myself such as “quirky” were more about what I’ve been told about myself rather than who I know myself to be. There have been many things told to me about who I am that did not resonate with my true being but influenced the behavior of my external being which in turn reinforced these “perceptions." And honestly, that’s all they ever really were, perceptions.

Who really am I? What do I like? What do I want? What are my wishes? I believe we must have periodic check-ins with ourselves to ask these questions I've posed above. I had gone too long without checking in with myself. A chapter is closing in my life and I am entering a new one. I want to be ready for this new chapter. I want to be ready for this next step in the project that is living securely within my mind, body and soul. Living with/as me.

All of these thoughts were swirling around in my mind as I was physically building my new desk. I was in the process of designing my room to make sanctuary for myself within my home. So essentially, the physical work I was doing represented the internal work I have been doing on this project titled “Me.”

Here are 10 things I’ve learned so far about this project titled “Me:”

1. I am worthy of pouring into

2. Taking time for myself allows me to show up better for others

3. No one is coming to save me

4. Seek purpose, not perfection

5. I am actually very fun and interesting and complex

6. I want to figure myself out instead of figuring out others

7. There’s nothing wrong with me

8. People project

9. Peoples’ perceptions are not my truth

10. I am all that I am and all that is yet to come

So I guess I’ve taken social distancing to a way deeper level 😅! But honestly, not only socially, but distancing myself from others emotionally and mentally has allowed me to confront myself. I am a work in progress, a project, but I am committed to seeing it through. I like me. I am intrigued by me. I want to learn more about me and I prefer me before anyone else. At the end of my last therapy session, I said, "although I do not feel at home yet, I feel closer to myself." I am proud of myself for this small growth.

So yes I am available for the right project, me.

SoeSoulFull Song Suggestion: Angles - Mick Jenkins featuring Noname and Xavier Omar